by Hara Estroff Marano
WHAT BEWILDERS ME, AND MAYBE OTHERS, IS DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN. It seems to me, that most often men’s driving force (conscious or unconscious) is sex but a woman’s driving force is emotional exchange. Women want to receive things like recognition, validation, feeling needed and wanted and of course, to be loved. When do a man’s emotions come into play beyond sexual desire? What makes the crossover from sexual desire to something more?
Sad but true, some men don’t know how to emotionally connect with anyone, including women. Unfortunately, some also were raised according to such a double standard that they can’t countenance sex and affection in the same package. Many men want to emotionally connect with a woman, and to connect with their own children, but it’s also true that many don’t know how to be vulnerable, which is what intimacy demands. They’re often caught in a bind, wanting more emotional depth to their lives but not knowing how to get it because boys are taught from a young age that emotional stuff is girls’ stuff. Truth is, emotional stuff is human being stuff. What’s a poor woman to do?
First and most important— choose the right guy. Someone with whom you establish a conversation and rapport before you jump into bed. And then recognize that men often do express affection through sex. Further, the closeness they feel after sex presents a great opportunity for conversation that contains the “emotional exchange” so satisfying to women (and to men, too). But women sometimes demand too much emotional talk from men. Women need to recognize that men often express affection best through actions (changing a light bulb, fixing the VCR) rather than words.
